she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
