Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
