but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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