So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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