once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
