But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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