I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
