I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she pinky promised me she was 18
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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