im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
