Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
