i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
