I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
