just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
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Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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