So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
