It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
