You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
