At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
