remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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