Only a mothe r could love this liver
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
