Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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