Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
