That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
