You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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