i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She told me I should be a condom model.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
