so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
