Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
