Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
