I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
