you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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