when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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