Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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