shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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