I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
