This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
