I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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