apparently the secret to your success is patron
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
