i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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