bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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