My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize