Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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