there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
