I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
