i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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