I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
