Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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