Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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