My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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