party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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