Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
