We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
