Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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