Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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