I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
50% drunk capacity currently
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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