dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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