He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
