Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
