someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found the puke drawer
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
