You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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