this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
