You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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