Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
