Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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