And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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