I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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