you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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