I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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