Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
