just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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